That douche The Unit from Jersey Shore claims there is no way he was in possession of a powerful horse tranquilizer when he was arrested in N.J. last year.

Yes, Unit got popped with horse tranquilizer in Seaside Heights.

The Situation's boy, whose real name is John (or Jonny) Manfre, entered a not guilty plea to possession of a controlled substance stemming from the July bust.

The substance was determined to be Ketamine, a horse tranq.

The Unit from Jersey Shore does his thing. The girl's face sums it up.

After the hearing, Unit's lawyer Raymond Raya offered TMZ a classic non-explanation: "There were some issues regarding my client's constitutional rights."

"We entered the not guilty plea NOT because that's the normal thing to do ... we've actually entered the not guilty plea because we believe John is not guilty."

He added, "We expect a very favorable outcome." Good to know. We don't expect Snooki's girl Ryder can say the same after she gets tested, however.

[Photo: WENN.com]

Snooki and JWoww need a new place to set up a smush room shop.

The classy gals' new Jersey Shore spinoff just hit a snag after Hoboken, New Jersey's film commission voted (unanimously) to deny permits to film in the city.

The Mayor of Hoboken, Dawn Zimmer, said the decision was made by officials "based on protecting public safety and quality of life concerns for Hoboken residents."

According to the mayor, there's a list of problems with a 24-hour permit in Hoboken, such as a policy that prohibits ALL filming after 11 p.m. in residential areas.

Explaining the decision, the mayor says that filming would result in an "unacceptable lessening of the quality of life for the local residents and businesses."

No, not due to pickle shortages.

Traffic, noisy crowds, and completely disrupting day-to-day life would likely be real problems, though, so the city decided to give the Jersey Shore stars the axe.

Of course, Snooki and JWoww, plus all their crew, can also stimulate a local economy, so the good could outweigh the bad ... is booting them really smart?

Eh, most likely.

[Photo: WENN.com]

Jersey Shore star Snooki Polizzi is pregnant, according to Star magazine. We'll believe it when we see it, but that's what they're saying in their latest issue.

The reality star and boyfriend Jionni LaValle are expecting, an "insider" says, spilling: “She is pregnant and has only told closest friends and some family.”

Never one to keep quiet, the 24-year-old can’t resist hinting that something's up: “She’s been telling people that she has a big announcement coming.”

... Possibly a great deal for the poor kid.

Snooki (a.k.a. Nicole Polizzi) will soon be starring in a Jersey Shore spinoff with JWoww ... if they can find a place to film after Hoboken kicked them out.

Wherever it films, Star claims Snooki/Jionni Jr. will be part of the plot.

“They are having to redo the creative direction of her Jersey Shore spinoff because of Snooki's pregnancy,” says the alleged insider of the guidette.

Despite Snooki's weight loss in recent months, the reality star has been dropping clues on social networking sites that she may be in the family way.

“I feel sick,” Snook admitted in a January 25 post on her Facebook page, then later tweeted: “Late night craving... yogurt hits the fricken spot!”

That doesn't really prove much. Much like her craving to get it in, Snooki's odd food cravings can take place at any time and involve any thing.

Then again, that could also explain the pregnancy. Congrats, maybe!

UPDATE: Snooki's rep tells E! News that there is no truth to the rumors and that the MTV star is not pregnant. Snooki herself denied the rumor later.

"I'm not [pregnant]. Does that mean they're calling me fat?" she asked on Opie and Anthony in the morning. "That means that I have a belly, then."

This week, the Jersey Shore gang was intact again - "Vinny's home, bitches!" - but the joy of being a family again quickly gave way to a new set of problems.

Both mental and physical.

Snooki legit peed herself (and worse), while Mike began acting very un-Mike-like and even level-headed JWoww experienced some drama with her BF Roger.

How did it play out after the team got Vinny back and returned to throw it town in Seaside Heights? Come along as we recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

Vinny unpacks after returning to the shore house. Good to be back! Plus 7.

Snooki was so excited she "legit" peed herself on the dance floor and rushed off into the restroom to grab some body spray for her kooka area (above). Minus 70.

Deena gets quasi-electrocuted trying to fix her hair extensions. Plus 9.

The following day, Snooki made sure to put on two pairs of underwear in case she had another "accident." In the daytime. Snooki is officially a toddler. Plus 14.

Situation shares a suspicion that someone in the house is talking about him behind his back ... and starts being super nice to people. It's really odd, but Plus 6.

JWoww couldn't seem to get a hold of Roger. Minus 3. The Situation can't get a hold of his pants, and JWoww gets an eyeful. Plus 17. Only on Jersey Shore.

At lunch, Sitch ran into some friends (or strangers, it's unclear) that was he invited to join and ultimately secluded from the group. Cue staged drama! Minus 9.

The Situation has a heart-to-heart with Ronnie and Pauly D, who is understandably weirded out by the confrontation. You are not alone there, Pauly. Plus 5.

"I just wanna know what he's up to and when he is blowing up the house," Ron says. "When are you blowing up the house, you f***ing terrorist?" Plus 10.

When all the house's bathrooms are full, Snooki obvi decides to relieve herself on the patio. We are so, so glad Jionni didn't get Snooki pregnant. Plus 10.

Yep, Snooki got a UTI, which "doesn't stand for Ultimate Tanning Institute." Not sure if that'd be better or worse than a urinary tract infection, but Minus 20.

A veterinary technician by trade (apparently), Snooki recommends drinking alcohol as a form of pain medication ... or as a leisure activity 24/7/365. Plus 6.

Snooki again dresses up to scare the roommates. Plus 18, because that is the scariest looking Easter Bunny we've ever seen, and gets us to laugh every time.

Plus 2 more for "Lola" getting confessional time.

"Ah, I hate balls being thrown at me. I just like them in my mouth." - Snooki, re: batting cages vs. other types of spherical objects and orifices. Ick. Minus 33.

Mike tells Deena and Snook that he thinks Pauly is talking trash about him? Has Pauly ever badmouthed anyone behind their back in his whole life? Minus 11.

"Mike knows nothing about loyalty and everything about betrayal." - Ron. Plus 4.

Ronnie and the roommates play a prank on Snooki. A national pastime. Plus 5.

Snooki's dad arrives at the house in the middle of the girls' hair appointment. Now here's a guy who must be so proud of how his little girl turned out. Plus 5.

What does the Meatball Patriarch do while his daughter gets her hair done? Go to the grocery store for cranberry juice and false eyelashes. Aww. Plus 19.

The Situation runs into JWoww's boyfriend on the boardwalk. Roger is not a small man. Plus 3, because that thought alone should keep Mike sort of in line.

And Plus 6 for Mike letting J know he's lurking close by and ducking her.

Deena listens to Situation talk about feelings during a shift at the Shore Store. This guy is either starved for attention or just becoming unglued. Minus 13.

JWoww gets upset when she finds out that her boyfriend has been ignoring her. Poor girl. Somehow we get the impression this isn't going to end well. Minus 7.

Mike continued his apologetic run with the guys, saying he knew who's stirring the pot and it's not them. It's Snooki, clearly. Plus 30, because despite being a major d-bag at times, Mike always has to have an angle to start drama. Keeps it lively.

Mike is officially a 12-year-old girl, we've decided. Minus 5. Where is Paula when you need her. Call AAA and get your act together, man. Get out of your own head.

"Mike is like a broken record - he sticks to one topic a day." - Pauly. Plus 6.

Retaliation is coming soon, apparently. It involves the Unit. Minus 7.

EPISODE TOTAL: +2! SEASON TOTAL: +157!

Jersey Shore ...

This should come as no surprise to Jersey Shore fans.

After seeing Snooki and Deena make out and flash straight vagine in Italy, there was little doubt that the former plays for both teams - at least part-time.

She's now classifying herself as bisexual.

Asked directly by the Huffington Post whether or not she's bisexual, she replied: "Yes, I would consider myself bi. I've done stuff with girls before."

Snooki gives it to Deena doggy/bunny style on Jersey Shore.

Snooki, who's hooked up with more than half of her housemates (male and female), says she wouldn't actually date a woman. Most likely.

"I would never be with a girl because I like... penis. But I've experimented."

We know, trust us. She looks way too comfortable going to town on Deena with that costume on lately. One can only guess what happens off-camera.

Do you consider Snooki bisexual? Or just trashy?

The man, the myth, the tattooed tanning bed legend - Pauly D of Jersey Shore fame - will officially star in his own spinoff. The Pauly D Project premieres March 29.

His show takes viewers away from Seaside Heights as Pauly D (real name Paul DelVecchio) pursues his DJ dreams, scoring a contract with 50 Cent’s record label.

Between partnering with G-Note Records, opening for Britney Spears on tour and paling around with his friends from Rhode Island, the Project will cover it all.

Season 5 of Jersey Shore wraps on March 15 and airs a reunion special a week later. The Pauly D Project premieres at 10:30 p.m. March 29, after the return of Punk'd.

That show no longer features Ashton Kutcher, but a rotation of guest hosts like Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus. Khloe Kardashian and Demi Lovato are two "targets."

Pauly D's housemates Snooki and JWoww are also filming a Jersey Shore spinoff, though they were recently barred from their preferred filming location of Hoboken.

What do you think? Will you watch a Pauly D-centric program?

After Hoboken passed, Jersey City, New Jersey's second largest city, is rolling out the reality TV welcome mat for Snooki and JWoww of Jersey Shore fame.

Jersey City is just a few miles south of Hoboken and across the Hudson River from New York City, so it's essentially the same locale for the classy gals.

Permits were issued for filming a Jersey Shore spinoff starring Snooki and JWoww. Filming is expected to begin this month in the Grove Street Path area.

Nearby Hoboken last week denied the permit, citing safety and quality of life concerns for residents of the city. Its neighbor turned out to be more receptive.

Jersey City Mayor Jerramiah Healy says he believes the show is an opportunity to promote the city, and can be pulled off without adverse effects on taxpayers.

City spokeswoman Jennifer Morrill says the cast and crew must obey all laws and that producers must foot the bill for police to reduce impact on the public.

Fellow cast member Pauly D's spinoff, The Pauly D Project, is set to premiere March 29. As far we we know, the Snooki-JWoww project remains untitled.

This week on the Jersey Shore, the "family" continued to experience all kinds of ups and downs. Vinny fell for a lesbian, Pauly acquired a new stalker, JWoww fought with Roger, Snooki acted ridiculously and no one could figure Mike out.

Pretty standard stuff, really. We are happy/sad to report that no one threw down!

How did it all play out in Seaside Heights? Let's recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

The Situation gets the dirt from his brother on his recent date with Deena's sister. Yep, that happened. As if this crew weren't incestuous enough. Minus 12.

"The real Mike is back and I love watching all the $h!t he does." - Pauly, after Mike decides he's going all out to start some $h!t again. Game on, brah. Plus 5.

Mike's plan to CRUSH Snooki by having his boy The Unit tell Jionni all about Sitch and Snook's sexy times failed because Unit was in Miami. Too bad? Plus 11.

Snooki tries to hang out with The Situation. Always a dangerous move. Minus 3.

Vinny juggles two girls at the bar. Good to be back, right? Plus 11.

Deena keeps Vinny's other girl occupied. Wing-meatball! Plus 8.

The more "hotass" of the two is Nicki, who is a lesbian. Vinny tried to get it in anyway, and Plus 7 for the effort, but Minus 14 for delusions. She bounced.

JWoww ducks out early, hella annoyed that Roger was dodging her calls even though he was down the street on the boardwalk. We smell drama. Minus 9.

The next morning, Jenni finally got ahold of Roger, who said he didn't have a phone and that's why he took the day off. Sketchy, and she knows it. Minus 1.

Snooki attempts to master the art of sitting in a hammock. Fail. Minus 5.

Snooki cleans the Smush Room bed. Plus 15 for even attempting that, but Minus 40 for the imagery of some of the things that have probably gone on there.

Snooki finds a hiding spot on the deck. Very stealthy. Plus 27.

Snooki complains about sunlight and mused that it's always dark in Arkansas. Minus 10 because that's not even true, and Minus 30 because she meant Alaska. Probably.

Vinny' smush with the backup girl was average. Good to know. Minus 5.

"Released some demons, you know."- Vinny. Gross. Minus 13.

Deena and Snooki decide to skip out on their shift at the Shore Store. BOLD move, since it's not actually a real job and the store only "hires" them for PR. Minus 10.

"Danny's such an annoying." - Deena. At least he's not trying to "do sex." Plus 8.

Pauly D has an encounter with his new stalker. Bosnian Grilled Cheese set the bar pretty high, so this girl had better be aware of what an elite club she's in. Plus 4.

Are stalkers required to wear the same thing every day? Plus 3.

Roger told Jen he'd be an hour late for their date, which they canceled, as JWoww ripped him a new one without him having a chance to respond. Minus 8.

No Sammi and Ronnie drama to speak of, at least! Plus 22.

In a turn of events, Sitch went out for a drink with Deena and Snooki. Who he wants to ruin ... about half the time. Dude's moods are hard to predict, but Plus 5.

"A leopard never sheds its stripes." - Deena, on Sitch. SO true. Plus 20.

The Situation teases Deena about becoming brother-and sister-in-law, but then gets nervous when Deena's sister calls the house. Plus 9 for the expression above.

Imagine Mike being your brother-in-law, though. Exactly. Minus 5.

Danny tells Deena and Snooki that if they get fired, they'll have to leave the Seaside house. Minus 8 because there is absolutely no way MTV's letting that happen.

Pauly D and Vinny run into JWoww's boyfriend at the gym. Dude's not small. Plus 2. He's also not backing down after the way she acted, he tells them. Plus 3.

JWoww decides to swallow her pride and apologize to Roger. Plus 30. The call (and episode) ended with an ultimatum: "So what's it going to be?" Dun dun dun!

EPISODE TOTAL: +17! SEASON TOTAL: +174!

Jersey Shore ...

That's not a euphemism or double entendre. It was a legitimate question Thursday.

This week down at the glamorous and totally disease-free New Jersey Shore ... JWoww and Rog patched things up, Sitch and Paula grew closer, Deena "did sex" with some schmoe, while someone ate her and Snooki's special cake for Danny!

How did it all play out in Seaside Heights? Let's recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

Deena and Snooki decide to make an apology cake for their boss. It's not a meatball cake, but it is made and frosted and decorated by them with love. Aww. Plus 12.

Once morning came, a corner of the cake was eaten! MIKE! Minus 6.

Deena ends up with cake in her face. Again, not a euphemism. Plus 4. After she says "I wanted him to get the full-on cake," Danny gives it to her, in the grill.

Cake or no cake, Snooki was late to work again, as she goes to the doctor to get treatment for her UTI. Minus 15 for us visualizing the state of Snooki's UT.

She's had 10 UTIs in the past year she says. How is that even ... Minus 10.

Snooki and JWoww accuse Situation of stealing a piece of the apology cake, but it turns out it was ... Pauly D! Minus 7 for the (unlikely) false accusation.

"Don't cook a cake in my house and expect me not to eat it," he says. Fair. Plus 5.

Deena apologizes for blaming The Situation. He'll find a way for you to make it up to him later, believe us. That or he'll blackmail you. Either way, Plus 6.

Fortunately, Jenni and Roger did not split. Basically, Rog is "like 65 years old," according to Deena, so he doesn't play games. Umm, what? Eh, Plus 8.

The Situation wishes Paula a happy birthday and tells us that she's his "main squeeze." Aww! Then it's birthday sex time. For Paula. Dirty. Plus 12.

Paula tells Sitch he makes her feel special. Time to wife her up, Mike. Since that only means "date" in the Jersey Shore world, you can handle it. Plus 6.

Besides, his actual wife, The Unit, is still in Miami. Plus 3.

Snooki breaks her one-drink rule at the club. Minus 17, because it can't be called a rule if it has never once been adhered to. Every night's an exception.

Vinny takes Pauly D on a lunch date. Bromance at its best! Plus 12. Been awhile since we've seen proper GTL (not GTGVB), followed by a romantic lunch.

Ronnie and Sammi let loose at the bar. These two have not fought  this season and now they're smiling too? It's like we don't even know them! Plus 14.

Drunk Ronnie and his "Gumby ankles" even made an appearance. Plus 4.

"I have no idea how to speak clock language." - Snooki. Plus 3.

"Honestly I drank so much that my frickin' UTI was drunk." - Snooki. Apparently the UTI is male, too. With Nicole, it really could've gone either way. Plus 4.

Deena gets closer to her hook-up, Joey, who she proceeds to totally "do sex" with (Minus 9 for that phrase) despite Pauly's prank on her. Minus 12.

The Situation tries to put the moves on Snooki. Late night. Drunk. On the roof, wearing shades in the pitch dark. Standard creeper procedure. Plus 10.

Snooki and JWoww interrogate Deena's hookup. Always funny. Plus 5. Fortunately, Snook helped him procure a condom before getting it in. *Shiver*

JWoww decides to wear a barely-there "outfit" to impress Roger. It works. Plus 15.

Unfortunately, it also works for other hornball juiceheads at the club. Minus 5.

Roger steps in when a fellow club-goer harasses and starts to grope JWoww, and $h!t is about to go DOWN when ... we fade to black. Next week ... Plus 20.

EPISODE TOTAL: +51! SEASON TOTAL: +225!

Jersey Shore ...

The Jersey City, N.J., booze emporium next door to where Snooki and JWoww are filming their upcoming Jersey Shore spinoff apparently wants nothing to do with them.

So adamantly that they're banned from the store!

In a morally commendable, financially disastrous move, the place wants Snooki to steer completely clear ... even posting a sign on the door telling her to keep the hell out.

Talk about turning away a couple of potentially loyal customers.

JWoww isn't welcome there either, so the ladies will have to find a place to buy their binge drinking supplies somewhere else. Somehow we imagine they'll manage.

The general manager at the wine shop said that while the sign says "No Snooki," it applies to her BFF too: "Even if Jwoww shows up at our door she will not be let in."

"The only thing they are good for is ridicule and amusement. There's no upside business wise; the potential downside is God knows what. Why feed the embarrassment?”

This guy is our new hero.

Yes, that actually happened on this week's Jersey Shore ... in one sense.

Last night's episode saw Roger knock some fool out, while the gang partook in a lot of water sports. Again, not as dirty as it sounds. Plenty idiotic, but not that dirty.

Later on, Lola the rabbit went to Karma and Ron got a mini-bike. Aww! How did everything else play out in Seaside Heights? Let's recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

Roger KO'd the dude who started messing with JWoww at the end of last week's episode. Not too much of a cliffhanger there ... have you seen Roger?! Plus 9.

Snooki gets upset when her boyfriend is too sick to smush. Jionni booting in the bathroom totally gets in the way of her "getting it in." Tragic news. Minus 4.

Meanwhile, Roger spends time with the roommates, talking and eating one of Mike's famous late-night sandwiches, instead of getting it in with J. Plus 10.

In an attempt to do something different, the producers Deena and Sammi persuaded the group to go to fishing, and crabbing. It is the shore, so Plus 6.

"I never thought I'd be excited about catching crabs." - Sitch. Too easy, but Plus 10.

The Situation helps Deena control the raft. Deena hits the water while Ronnie tries to deflate the raft. It's all pretty much a three-ring CF circus. Plus 7.

Snooki and Deena manage to make it out of the water alive. Yay? More crucially, Snooki breathes a sigh of relief after rescuing her drink. Lush. Plus 3.

Yelling "sharp" can easily be mistaken as "shark" when spoken loudly and in an accent that stems from the Tri-State area. Not a good idea. Minus 9.

Vinny managed to catch a fish (tiny, but whatever) while Jenni seemed to be the resident expert in catching crabs. Sorry, but it is totally true. Plus 6.

She also proves adept at handling a pole. Gosh, we just can't stop. Plus 5.

Mike interrogates Snooki on her relationship with Jionni. Again. Minus 8.

"He's a nice kid. I just don't think he's established as a man yet, you know what I mean, to take care of you. That's all." - Sitch, on Jionni. Umm, thanks? Wash.

After losing a bet with The Situation, Snooki spends the night at Karma in her Lola costume. Yep, the giant bunny went to the club. Awesome. Plus 12.

Vinny describes this as "hot." Not our first word choice. Minus 7.

Mike, the "hunter and gatherer of the house when it comes to ladies" (not to toot his own horn) met a woman who actually says, "I'm a DTF girl!" Minus 11.

And she had friends for Pauly and Vinny. Their parents? So proud. Minus 14.

Snooks says she wants to "break a law or two tonight." As such, she and Deena hop a fence and hit the beach. So totally "legit criminals." Plus 10.

Maybe so. Snooki: "It's the friggin' cops!" Police officer: "Nicole!" Plus 20.

Snooki later went and found a mini motor bike that Ron said wanted earlier in the episode, then showed up and told him she got it for him. Cute. Plus 15.

Pauly D's "stalker" showed up again at the Shore Store, but this time, he was there. Fortunately, Jenni was all over it, confronting this nut job. Plus 5.

She asked her what the deal was and what was in that bag she always carried. "A blanket," replied the stalker. Minus 16 for either lying or being half crazy.

Snooki and Vinny go out on the boardwalk together, and while they don't end up getting it in by some miracle, they do dance and look kinda cute. Plus 18.

"If Jionni wasn't in the equation, I'd hook up with Vinny. Obviously." - Snook. Minus 14 for saying that on a show Jionni is obviously going to watch later.

She and Vin will always have a "special bond," she says ... one that goes all the way back to the time(s) she cheated on her BF with him. Minus 10.

EPISODE TOTAL: +37! SEASON TOTAL: +252!

Jersey Shore ...

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and Jenni "JWoww" Farley recently began shooting their Jersey Shore spinoff ... which may or may not be derailed because Snooki is pregnant.

Possible baby Snookis aside, the girls recently dished to Us about the show:

"It's going to be me and Nicole living in a house: our ups and downs, relationships with our boyfriends who we love dearly, our families - who are insane! - and our friends who you really don't get to see on [Jersey Shore]," Jenni said.

Viewers will see a different, reserved side of the two stars, Snook promised.

"We want it to be different than Jersey Shore, so it's not always going to at the club, drinking and partying. It's the first time I'm going to be on my own for real."

"You've only seen the party side of us. Now you'll see the sober side."

Yeah right. Check out a brief interview with the two stars post-jump:

Snooki, JWoww Interview

Though she has publicly denied she’s pregnant, sources say trashy Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is indeed with child - and making plans to cash in on the offspring ASAP.

Polizzi, 24, is carrying her first child with boyfriend Jionni LaValle, and is roughly three months along, the N.Y. Post claims. Star reported this a few weeks back.

Sources say the reality star has already brokered a deal to announce the news on the cover of Us Weekly after she shopped the story to big celebrity magazines.

However, sources tell Page Six that MTV is worried about how to manage the news, given that Snooki’s drunken, idiotic ways just scored her a spinoff with JWoww.

“MTV went into crisis mode after they found out,” said a source. “They’re trying to hide it because it would greatly affect the creative direction of the show.”

The new show has begun taping and focuses on the ladies’ relationship as friends and roommates in Jersey City, N.J., and whatever adventures come their way.

Star reported a few weeks ago that Jionni got Snooki pregnant but that she'd told “only her close friends and family.” But she denied it straight up on GMA.

Since then, Polizzi, who has notably lost at least 20 pounds off of her 4-foot-9 frame over the last year, has started filming her new show in Jersey City.

Pics taken on set shown her carrying large bags to hide her belly. A rep for MTV “doesn’t comment on series in production.” Polizzi’s rep also did not comment.

Stay tuned, and prepare for the collective world I.Q. to possibly drop a bit.

Looks like it's official: Snooki is pregnant. God help us.

We have Jionni LaValle to blame for getting Snooki pregnant. Having dated for about a year at this point, the tanned couple is expecting its first child together.

"She's about 3-4 months along now," a source tells E!'s Mark Malkin, as reliable a person as there is in the celeb gossip field. So why hasn't she confirmed it?

1. She doesn't want to jinx it
2. She wants to get PAID

The 24-year-old Jersey Shore cast memnber (real name Nicole Polizzi) is hoping to turn the pregnancy into money-making deals, according to the New York Post.

She's also deeply superstitious about adhering to the rule of reaching the 12-week mark before breaking the news. Now that it's passed, expect it imminently.

Earlier this month, Snooki shot down Star magazine claims that she was expecting. But she lied, according to E! and the Post, and is totally with child. Eeeek.

Snooki has always said she dreamed of being a mom one day. "I want two, a boy and a girl," she said in 2010. "I'm going to name them Isabella and Frankie."

No word yet on whether it will be Isabella or Frankie arriving this year, but the world's collective I.Q. may well drop a couple of points. Girl is not bright. Or sober.

Snooki is pregnant. Let's just get that out of the way right now. Jionni LaValle got effing Snooki pregnant. Amazing. The apocalypse cannot be too far behind.

Last night's episode was filmed long before this revelation, of course, and shows Snooki doing her usual drunken, moronic thing. But it puts it all in perspective.

Thursday, The Situation tried to stir the pot (shocker), the gang ran into a familiar face, someone went to the sex store and some idiot got arrested. Who was it?!

Let's recap Jersey Shore, THG style, and find out!

Snooki and Vinny played coy about their flirtatious night out on the boardwalk, but nothing sexual happened. Phew. Could've been paternity test drama. Plus 9.

Deena, Pauly D, Mike and Vinny went to Jenk's, and they ran into ... Angelina Pivarnick! We forgot about her! Does this mean she's back on the show? Minus 10.

Nah. As Pauly said, they "kept it movin'." Oh, hey! Later! Plus 19.

The Situation strikes out with his girl. So does Pauly. Chalk it up to shyness and tampons, but it just wasn't happening for the dudes on this evening. Minus 8.

Sitch decided to be a sweet roommate by ordering breakfast for everyone. Plus 6.

Short on cash, he had to tip the delivery guy protein powder. Plus 16. There are Jersey Shore quotes and there are scenes like this where only visuals suffice.

JWoww heads to the sex shop to pick out an anniversary gift for Roger. They've been dating one year and it's been mostly drama-free (by Jersey standards). Plus 20.

We have a pretty good idea why that is after seeing her "gifts." Plus 10.

JWoww and Sammi try to warn Deena about Joey's true intentions. If they think they're getting through her thick skull, they're kidding themselves though. Minus 15.

Pauly D and Vinny complain about the couples in the house. Please, you two guys are as coupled up as it gets. This is one of TV's top bromances. Embrace it. Plus 4.

Still doesn't solve their smush room problem, we admit. Minus 3.

The Situation calls The Unit after he decides to stir up some trouble. Dude, no one cares anymore. We know Snooki is a drunken mess who sleeps around. Minus 17.

"Get some pop-cawn," the "Sitch-tradamus" promises, because the show's about to begin ... with a ridiculous, out-of-pace twang apparently. Just STFU. Minus 23.

Pauly D and Vinny play a prank on JWoww. Plus 8.

Sammi catches the boys in the act. Minus 8.

The boys check out JWoww's surprise for Roger. We don't know whether to be impressed, turned on, repulsed, sketched out ... maybe a little of all of the above? Plus 5.

Jionni's whole family was at the club. Um, what? Minus 12. Nice guy that he is, Mike waited until Snooks and Jionni were by themselves to stir $h!t up. Kind. Plus 3.

Snooki clearly knew something was up once she saw Unit with Mike, so she convinced Jionni to leave and go back to the house. Smart girl, for once in her life. Plus 9.

Vinny decided to sport a denim shirt to the club, meanwhile. Plus 13. The "jert," or jean shirt, complete with plaid patches, has the roomies (and us) ROFL. Plus 7.

Deena confronts Joey about his sincerity. He kept denying and trying to play it off, but she was over it and left solo, then we saw Joey with another girl. Wow. Minus 8 for being a douche, but Plus 18 for D taking a walk. Team Meatballs.

Pauly D worries there are too many grenades at the club. #paulyproblems. Plus 11.

The Unit gets arrested after partying too hard. Plus 30 for everyone else around.

With Unit gone, Mike decided to tell Jionni solo, and what better moment than the morning after, when it's just them two sitting outside? OMG, he's insane.

"Yo, can I talk to you for a second?" he asked. "It's like, kinda, private. I'm just gonna make this, like, really quick and like, painless as possible." Minus 20.

Will it be? Stay tuned next week for the next, epic installment.

EPISODE TOTAL: +64! SEASON TOTAL: +316!

Jersey Shore ...

Snooki's new Jersey Shore spinoff is all about the baby she has yet to acknowledge is now growing in her womb. The evidence is slowly but surely starting to pile up.

Proof that Jionni LaValle is responsible for getting Snooki pregnant? A Jersey City baby store has already been contacted by producers about shooting on location.

The owner of Bambi Baby says someone from 495 Productions, the company behind Jersey Shore, reached out to the baby store within the last few weeks.

This was right around the time Snooki was adamantly denying she was pregnant ... a lie that was fairly convincing, but has since unraveled rapidly in the last few days.

The peeps at 495 asked Bambi for permission to shoot some scenes inside the store, and after some hesitation, the owner agreed, unlike one local wine store.

It's unclear when shooting is scheduled to begin, and Snooki has yet to state publicly that she is knocked up, but expect an announcement any day now.

Whenever she gets the best deal with Us Weekly, in other words.

In light of the fact that Jionni LaValle got Snooki pregnant, this week's Jersey Shore seemed almost irrelevant ... and at the same time told us a lot.

Last night's show was filmed long before this bombshell, of course, but the buildup to Mike revealing his "master plan" had long been in the works.

Who were the winners and losers of this epic conflict?

Let's recap Jersey Shore, THG style, and find out!

After The Situation tells Snooki's boyfriend that she cheated on him, the two shake hands. Mostly amicable, really. If only for a moment. Plus 11.

Even if Sitch's story is true, which it probably is, let's dace it, it's funny to watch Jionni and Snooki laugh about it as Mike expects drama. Plus 17.

For whatever reason, Mike decides he will go well every roommate what he did ... as if they care or he's doing it out of actual guilt. Minus 45.

When Vin porked Snook, he did not do this. Plus 8.

Snooki confronts The Situation, taking out aggression during a food fight. It's not as good as the Italy melee, but nevertheless, Plus 8.

The roommates watch as Snooki faces off against Sitch. Ever the protective figure, Pauly D tries to shield Deena from the fight. Plus 12.

Snooki really comes out ahead in all this, since Jionni is uncaring about Mike, yet polite enough to indulge him. Takes patience, and some actual brains. Plus 10.

"If my boyfriend heard that news he would be bugging out," says Sam of Snook's transgression. Yes, that would be the understatement of all time. Plus 9.

The Situation meets his latest prospect at the club. That took awhile. Plus 8.

JWoww and Deena talk about how much they miss Snooki. Aww. Plus 2.

The gang prepares to go camping. Yes, camping There are Jersey Shore quotes and there are scenes like this where only visuals suffice. Plus 10 for camping.

Minus 28, however, for how Snooki "decides" they should go camping ... this girl can't pronounce "banjo." No way she has any original thoughts at this point.

Ronnie and Sammi struggle with their tent. This is the only time these two ever struggle in the realm of tent pitching. Minus 15 for us and that awful joke.

The roommates around Deena to dump Joey. Well, mostly JWoww. Still, Plus 7.

Pauly D and Vinny begin to work on their latest prank. The guys enlist the help of their fellow Shore Store employees. Team Building at its finest! Plus 3.

The Situation plays with fire. In this case, literally, at the campsite. Plus 7.

Deena confronts Snooki for neglecting their friendship. Someone had to say it. Even if she doesn't mean to, girl can be kind of a drunk mess. Minus 9.

See below, and above point about pictures saying 1,000 words. Plus 10.

Deena's date becomes ... not Deena's date. Peace out Joe. Holla. Plus 6.

"Hot girls are boring, most of the times," Vin opines. Word, G. Plus 13.

"I can't believe he has the brainspan," says Ron of Mike assembling a tent. We didn't know Ron could say words like brainspan. Oh wait, we did. Minus 11.

Mike calls Deena a "hermaphrodite." Not because he's thinking of a real hermaphrodite, mind you, but because "pyromaniac" escapes them. Minus 21.

Pauly says he didn't go camping with the gang because there's just no way to achieve his blowout in the woods. That is probably totally true. Plus 15.

Or he and Vinny just needed some QT. Either way, Plus 5 more.

EPISODE TOTAL: +32! SEASON TOTAL: +348!

Jersey Shore ...

Will the pregnant Snooki be back on Jersey Shore next season? Should she be?

The network has said that no final decision has been made yet about a sixth season, but odds are it will be back, with or without its most famous guidette.

The program has been cable's most-watched series at times (scary but true) and while Schnookers is one of the main reasons, she's not the only draw.

Now that Snooki's pregnant and engaged, it's hard to see her back ... or is it?

How would a girl who's supposedly serious about being a good wife and mother carry on in that madhouse? Would Jionni LaValle ever go for that?

But does she really have the good sense to walk away from fame after her 15 minutes (and spinoff, being filmed in the photo above) are finally up?

Or will she angle for yet another show? Right now it remains to be seen ... but we pray for the little Jionni/Vinny Jr. she's carrying inside of her.

Speaking of which ... vote in our survey:

Will Snooki be a good mother?

In light of the fact that Jionni got Snooki pregnant, and multiple cast members have their own spinoffs coming out, was this the last ever Jersey Shore?

That remains to be seen, but if Thursday night's Season 5 finale turned out to be a swan song, our favorite roving gang of guidos/ettes could do worse.

Between an epic prank war, laughter, tears, bittersweet emotions, hooking up with two lesbians and even a natural disaster, this chapter had it all in Seaside.

Let's recap the season finale of Jersey Shore, THG style!

The Situation gets upset when he sees Pauly D and Vinny's latest prank. Like, for real upset. Like, it "really, really, really" pisses him off, he assures us.

And by that metric, Operation Inside Out was totes a success! Plus 14.

Eventually, Pauly helped Sitch bring all his "ruined" belongings back in the house. Because that's what friends do ... to help others quit whining. Plus 4.

Sitch tells Snook the gossip about Deena's sister. Guy cannot go 15 minutes without gossiping. Minus 10 for being lame, Plus 15 for entertaining fans.

Deena finds a new drink holder. Fake boobs are so utilitarian. Plus 9.

Vinny becomes "friends" with two lesbians at the club, and it seems they're into him too. It's as if he's died and gone to guido heaven. Plus 20.

Vinny and the lesbians get comfy in the smush room. Is it just us or have the last two seasons felt like a softcore porno at times? No points, just curious.

"This is the moment when heroes are made," says Vinny. "This story's going to be told for generations to come." Maybe, but Plus only 5, because as Ronnie put it, "one of them [the lesbians] looks like Matthew McConaughey."

Later, Vinny relaxes after his first lesbian threesome. Seriously, what is there left to accomplish on reality TV, or in life? Time to retire now. Plus 11.

Deena confronts Situation for spreading rumors. Because that always works. Minus 9.

Oh no, the Tornado Whistle detects a storm a-comin' ... literally in this case! Plus 5.

Sammi tries to comfort Deena during the storm. Hurricane Irene, go home! Minus 24 for evoking all kinds of bad memories for East Coast residents.

Minus 6 more for Deena's big idea to drive away from it.

When the house loses power, Deana goes into a full meltdown while the others calmly go about their business and make fun of her. Plus 10.

The Situation's brother and Deena's sister meet the gang at the club. Those two are together! Plus 10 for the possibility of Mike and Deena being family.

We never actually find out what this "special talent" is that Dee's sister has in the sack. Although Frank apparently told Mike about it. Standard. Minus 5.

At Sunday dinner, the roommates toast to their last night. Sniff. Plus 8.

The guys go to fly kites. Seriously. How quaint and random. Plus 3.

The girls try to launch water balloons at the boys. Ineptly. Minus 7.

Ronnie prepares to attack, while Pauly comes armed with a Super Soaker. Really, girls, Plus 9 for the fun of it, but no way you were going to win this fight.

JWoww leaves the shore house with Roger. Love those two. Plus 5.

Vinny's mom is shocked by the state of the house. Did she not watch the first four seasons? It's gotta be different to lay eyes on in person, but Minus 12.

Let's take a moment in honor of Ronnie and Sammi, who just went through a whole season of Jersey Shore without explosive fights! Incredible! Plus 19.

Pauly D and Vinny hug it out. Such an emotional moment. Plus 8.

Snooki says goodbye to the duck phone. Perhaps the second most emotional moment of the evening. Hopefully we'll see you again soon, duck. Plus 4.

"Leaving the shore house is bittersweet, like, you're excited to go home and see your family and friends, but then again, I mean, the party's over. I mean, what am I gonna do with my life now?" - Snooki, who just answered that question. Plus 10.

Or not: "I definitely would love to be in this house fifty years from now. I mean, I can do this forever, like every summer until I'm 90 years old." Minus 10.

EPISODE TOTAL: +86! SEASON TOTAL: +434!

Jersey Shore ...

Thought Snooki's pregnancy would derail Jersey Shore? Think again!

When Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi confirmed she's expecting a baby, many assumed that the MTV reality series, which just wrapped its fifth season (in just over two years' time), was kaput, officially, or at least destined to lose the Snook.

No. Season 6 is a go, with the full cast in tow. Fist-pump/head-slap!

The show will return again to the STD-friendly confines of Seaside Heights, N.J., where the gang will venture into "uncharted territory" this time around.

A press release from MTV, confirming the new season today, reads:

"While things will definitely be a little different this time when they hit the boardwalk, their trademark hilarity and family dysfunction will remain the same."

That's putting it mildly. Say a prayer for the unborn guido/ette.

Incidentally, Snooki's baby, her first with fiance Jionni LaValle, isn't due until the fall, so that leaves time for plenty of pregnant partying this summer.

Will Snooki be a good mom?